Alien Vs. Predator Requiem Review

Posted: December 27, 2007 in Movies

I was planning on seeing this movie with a very close friend of mine on the 27th.  When I found out that he had become ill I convinced my wife to come see it with me tonight instead of tomorrow.  Now that I’ve seen this film I realize I should have stayed home and committed suicide.  That would have made for a far more interesting and entertaining evening.

I went into this movie having already read several negative and very negative reviews by both fans and critics alike.  Now mind you, I’m the kind of fan that could enjoy watching a movie about either one of these characters just taking a stroll down the street and find some good in that but this film was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.  I know that there are likely far worse out there but I’ve yet to seen any such films.  As I walked into the theater I had low expectations while as a fan of both franchises hoped for the best.

I’ll state right off the bat that Paul W.S. Anderson’s previous AVP effort is a perfect 10 when compared to this waste of film.  I’m really hoping that someone loses their job over this and I’d be willing to bet that the Strause Brothers won’t ever get another shot at directing anything!  Right off the bat you can tell that this film was made to try and apologize for the lack of gore in 2004’s AVP and to appeal to a hardcore audience.  Watching this film I have to believe that everyone involved in its production, from start to finish was literally asleep both on the set and in their offices because it doesn’t appeal to hardcore fans of either franchise or even fans of AVP comics and games.  It’s a jumbled, effortless, unfocused, unmitigated, amateurish, half-assed approached to film making.  This film should appeal to no one.  Though I’ve yet to find a single positive review of the film someone, somewhere is bound to enjoy it though they may been the recipients of lobotomies at some point in the past.

Lets start with the obvious first.  There wasn’t a single Alien or Predator movie that was rated anything but R and after the backlash agaist AVP’s PG-13 rating and watching this film, it is extremely clear to me that the goal of this movie is to shock and disturb you.  Sadly the film wouldn’t scare my six year old daughter and she’s terrified of both monsters.  It becomes painfully obvious not more than a few minutes into the film that the gore, blood, and kills are in the movie for no other reason than to say “HEY, LOOK THIS ISN’T A PG-13 MOVIE”.  I’ve stated in the past that I love gore in my movies even when the gore is at an extreme level however gore without purpose always falls flat with an audience. I think what I really found disturbing was not the attempt to shock or add some “gross out” elements to the movie but rather by the fact that this movie got an R rating.  I’ve seen more shocking imagery and suspenseful moments in episodes of Goosebumps.  98% of the kills in this movie are cut away’s and then suddenly red liquid is thrown against a window or wall.  There are a couple of kills that where decent but none of them warrant anything greater than a PG-13 rating.  In addition to that we get to see a handful of corpses and chest bursting scenes but these too are all shot at angles that don’t really let you see much of anything.  Again you see more here than in the original AVP but not much. So what constitutes an R rating you ask?  Watching 3/4’s of Jesse Ventura’s chest being blow out with a full frontal view is what does.  Seeing a man getting his head and spinal column pulled out of his body does as well.  I’m sorry but the implication that babies where killed by Aliens or the one scene where a pregnant mother spawns multiple chest bursters is hardly hard core let alone enough to justify an R rating.  Kind of makes you wonder who paid who on the ratings board to get this rating doesn’t it?

The next big downfall this movie has is its horrid plot and pacing.  The first ten minutes of this film had me and the rest of the audience pumped.  After the opening action scenes and being introduced to the new Predator the movie slows down as we’re introduced to a handful of characters that serve no purpose other than to scream and become bait.  The original AVP had this same problem only to a much lesser extent.  We are forced to watch their boring and sophomoric stories for the remainder of the movie save for the last 5 minutes.  The movie is roughly an hour and thirty minutes long and after being forced to watch a rather sored attempt at character building for the entire thing I found myself angry at the characters and wanted them all to die.  In the end all but a few die in what has to be one of the worst anticlimactic finales I’ve ever witnessed.  The ending is worse than the “its all a dream” scenario and an hour and a few handful of minutes of a sad attempt at establishing characters is thrown all out the window when out of nowhere a bomb is dropped on the town this movie takes place in, thus killing three quarters of the people they wanted us to become attached to.

The pacing of this film is equally as appalling as it’s story telling, or lack there of.  What a waste of an opportunity here.  While the majority of the film is spent telling us the story of shallow characters the action (so to speak) is broken up ever couple of minutes by a quick scene involving the Predator looking through his visor at Xenomorphs crawling on buildings, dissolving evidence, and jumping from rafter to rafter.  When those scenes conclude the audience is taken to another scenario involving one of the movies useless human characters.  This process repeats throughout the movie and with the exception of a very brief sewer sequence and a would be brawl near the end of the film, there is little action or killing or anything else going on here.  This leads me to the next problem both I and apparently many other viewers have with the film.  The few fight scenes, as short as they are, are barley visible.  I heard the Strause brothers say that seeing these monsters in full light isn’t scary.  Maybe not but seeing them fight in the dark isn’t any better…in fact it’s worse.  The one thing I looked forward to this time around was the Predalien.  You’ll get to see her head plenty in this film but it’ll be dark and quick so pay close attention.  The one time you do get to see this full bodied badass is during the finale when she and the Predator almost engage in a fight.  This was one of the more disappointing aspects of the film in my opinion.  I came to see scenarios that would pit these two creatures against each other and just when you think something will erupt between them what happens?  They start to fight, she pulls the whip out of his hands, they then stab each other and are then wiped out by a government plane that drops a bomb on the entire town thus ending the Alien and Predator threats.  This is the last we see of any Aliens or Predators in this film though it’s not the end of the picture.

The next inadequate aspect of this film is the total waste of both the Aliens and the coolest Predator I’d seen thus far.  This predator is a bad ass.  The film gives the impression that he’s not a normal hunter nor does he belong to a clan.  This guy whom they call “Wolf” is some sort of bounty hunter or part of a “clean up” crew that leaps into action when things go bad for fellow hunters.  Wolf has some of the coolest weapons in his arsenal that we’ve seen in any Predator movie to date but the film doesn’t provide any scenarios for this Predator to make use of them.  Some weapons we’ve seen before and some not but it seemed like every time he was given the opportunity to use a weapon he didn’t  These opportunities where few and far between to boot.  Most of Wolf’s time instead is spent searching for Xenomorphs and scouting the territory and when he finally does catch up with one or gets ambushed the resulting action is well….action-less and so brief that if you blink you may miss it.  The Aliens in this film, especially the Predalien don’t receive much better treatment either.  I think back to James Cameron’s Aliens and how Colonial Marines with a bad ass arsenal of weaponry and gear far in the future have trouble taking down swarms of Aliens.  In this film everyday citizens with guns seem to have no problem wiping out incoming hordes of Xenomorphs with modern machine guns whether they’ve used a gun before and had combat training or not.  I found this very hard to swallow.  Sure humans can take out Aliens but with ease and in total fear?  This film softens and cheapens both creatures for reasons unknown.

Another irritant this film will lay on you is it’s outlandish and poorly delivered dialogue.  There are those jokes you find in Alien and Predator movies that either relieve tension or help to build a character but in this film those jokes just don’t work and no one was laughing at them.  When the audience did laugh it wasn’t during parts of the film that where supposed to elicit such a response.  During several scenes with poor dialogue both my wife and I overheard other viewers commenting on how boring and intrepid the movie was.  I’ve been present at other bad movies but the audience was silent during those bombs.  When an audience begins engaging in conversations about “how this movie blows” you know you’ve got a real winner on your hands.  The dialogue like the characters in this movie serve no other purpose than to act as filler as no studio or individual has the balls, the imagination, or the talent to create an Alien Vs. Predator movie that involves no humans.

At the conclusion of the movie a large group of people stood up and began clapping (sarcastically) and cheering.  The studio was filled with hardcore fans as well as casual movie goers and I overheard many conversations before, during, and after the movie that told me who was who.  Most who see this movie will be disappointed while the hardcore fans of either or both franchises will likely be angry, let down, disappointed, and disheartened as I was.  As a hardcore fan I went to see this movie out of curiosity and in the vane hope that “they” had finally done AVP justice.  Boy was I wrong.  To be honest I will not be buying this DVD and this movie probably should have been a straight to DVD release because yes, it really is that bad.  This film should have never been released in my opinion and someone should have stepped in and stopped production at some point.  I’m certain that someone may have wanted to but the decision was made to proceed in hopes that the opening weekend would help capture a few quick million dollars before the movie disappears.  What’s happened now though is far worse for any studio that may have been interested in or might be interested in producing an Alien, Predator, or AVP movie at some point down the line.  The AVP franchise has been ruined but worse yet the individual franchises and creatures have become parodies of themselves which is more damning than anything else I can think of at the moment.

Others who have seen and reviewed this film lay blame on the premise of the film and its creatures engaging in battle for any reason.  I don’t believe its fair to lay blame on the idea of these two monsters duking it out, blame instead those foolish enough to green light a script such as this one, or those indivduals who appoint producers and directors.  Blame individuals who’ve seen the best movies these franchises have to offer yet still lack the knowlege and skill to make a film that fits within that universe.  Bad writing, directing, editing, pacing, producing, and bad studio executives are to blame.  Aliens Vs. Predator is a great imaginative concept and one that many wanted to see come to the big screen for a long time.  If such a concept where given the same care, respect, and treatment that say “Aliens” and even “Predator” where given we’d have another set of films to call classic Sci-Fi at some point in the future.  Sadly enough these same people who looked forward to these films now just want them to go away.

In closing I’d like to add that while it’s obvious this is the proverbial nail in the coffin for both Aliens and Predators I will hold onto the foolish hope that someday somebody will take an expireinced, knowledgable, and mature approach to the franchise and give us a story that includes deep characters as well as a well thought out story.  If after reading this and any other review for Alien Vs. Predator Requiem you still have a desire to see this movie, go watch the red band trailer.  It contains literally all of the best moments in the film.  The trailer is free, you don’t have to leave your house to view it and you won’t be left feeling as though Fox just picked your pocket and took you for a fool.

Alien 5 by James Cameron May 23rd, 2017 here we come!

Score: 1 star (out of ten)

Comments
  1. Do Me In the Butt Now! says:

    Dude you write sooo much I cant take the time to read…All I have to say is this movie SUX my ass… the worst movie I have seen and I am impressed that these 2 jackass fucked it up more then Paul Anderson… 10 thumbs down and a waste of time..

    P.S. wanta do me in the butt?

  2. Deity Rob says:

    I went and saw this movie last night. While it is by no means up to par with the original Predator or Aliens it is a down right good flick. It is a VAST improvement over the tripe that W.S. Anderson gave us. It held true to what Aliens and Predator are:

    1 Predator, 1 Queen, and a buttload of alien drones slaughtering anything in their path. There are no real “safe” characters and the Predator is just a bad ass mofo. I was very happy with the movie. The Predalien fit in nicely (It did not “jump the shark”) and it upheld the “R” rating.

    I would write more but I am at work at can’t right now. This was a good movie. I hope the last guy gets Amebic Dissentary for his stupid comment.

  3. Brendan says:

    Wow………”1 predator, 1 queen” I must have been sleeping when they showed the queen in AvP R cause i didnt see one.
    Secondly who the fuck designed the predalien. It looked like an akward piece of shit. Forcing baby alien embryoes down womens throat=uneccesarry and ill advised attempt at expanding the alien universe. The predator homeworld looked like something out of star wars. The aliens neck was the size of the hulks. Why the fuck does everyone try to better hr gigers design.

  4. Aaron says:

    I thought the movie was entertaining. Yeah there could have been some improvements but every movie has that. I enjoyed this movie though i do see what everyone means by there could have been more fighting btween the aliens and the predator. the fights in this one were better than the other one but they could have been longer. i hope if they make another they will improve that bit.

  5. combs says:

    Agreed: horrible film. The Alien, and to a lesser extent, the Predator, franchise is (hopefully?) going through the same motions that the Batman franchise was going through until someone woke the fuck up and did Batman: Begins. That, or just leave the bloody carcass of the franchise to be scavenged by the jackals at Darkhorse comics.

  6. […] a predator since it was sooo disgraced by this movie. For more detail and a long description read Scotts blog! Im the short version he gives waaay more […]

  7. Hot Ass Wife says:

    Ok so Deity Rob I am soooo disappointed by your comment I thought you had taste? You talk about the 1st one as if it was good hahahaha! I must say this movie blows big fat balls (like yours). You should be able to spot a good movie and this one wasnt it! I think you are blinded and really want to see something good when there really wasnt! This movie sucks DONT SEE IT! SAVE YOUR MONEY!

  8. Deity Rob says:

    I have to agree with you that I have big fat balls. You are probably correct in my being blind because I did enjoy the Predator of the movie. I thought he was badass (Although he does not compare to the original or myself). Perhaps my view is a little skewed due to the fact that I have sat through some pretty shitty movies I.E. Bug, The Chipmunks, and anything directed by Uwe Bol.

  9. Chris says:

    You pretty much summed up all my feelings about this film. I am a huge fan myself and felt embarrassed that I even watched this. Of all the reviews I’ve read, yours is the only one that points out the whole “Civilians + Generic M-16 rifles = Xenomorph Annihilation”. For some reason, that detail of the movie pissed me off the most. I even recall near the end when they were all getting into the helicopter, the main character (whatever her name was) only fired off a couple rounds and completely took out an Alien. WTF. I almost laughed out loud. The M41A Pulse Rifles used caseless armor piercing explosive rounds (and you’re totally right, those Colonial Marines got their asses kicked)….M-16’s have 5.56 mm “whatever bullets”. I know technical shit is geeky, but if there is already an established ficitional universe with a set of rules and standards, it should be simple to just follow those instead of trying to re-invent the wheel. Anyway, awesome review 🙂

  10. bob mumma says:

    I can relate to Chris in that I felt embarrassed to watch this movie. I came out from the cinema covering my face but demanding my money back. I got in for ‘special discount’ but I still want some compensation for the psycological issues it has now caused me. I had to go home and watch most of the older movies to flush the pathetic memories away. One part of many that made this movie really suck is that I felt it was ‘generic.’ It had no story line, which we already know, but it was the formula. Mr. Predator goes around shooting aliens behind human backs with his shoulder gun, and goes through his predictable arsenal all the way up to his retractable spear-identical order as last time.
    Oh, yeah. Umm, what character development were you guys referring to? Was it the anonymous macho army bird or the cliche chump that gets bullied and then the girl? Maybe the idiotic preddalien that was like the thing from the black lagoon or something.
    I could go on about this sucking for a while so I will leave it with this: The special effects, although good, could not make this a movie worthy of being affiliated with either alien or predator on their own. Pure mush

  11. Ben says:

    A more appropriate name would have been… Alien vs. predator vs. Halloween vs. The OC

    Very frustrating, if you are a fan of the Alien and predator films. The acting was shit, the story was shit, the script was shit. Fight scenes were poorly lit, poorly filmed and poorly cut. Although I did (mildly) enjoy parts of it (violence/killing/weapons etc. which were decent/could have been better) it left plenty room for improvement.

    Because the plot followed all three species, it was very predictable, lacked mystery and therefore the shock-horror value.

    Go see it but don’t expect a classic.

  12. Charles Xavier says:

    Hope you can read this, Scott. I don’t mean to argue with your opinions about AVP:R, but I’d like to share this quote from James Rolfe (aka Angry Video Game Nerd) when he reviewed ‘Spider-man 3’. You might feel it’s irrelevant, but what he says here might reflect how audiences are treating AVP:R. So please have a read when you have time:

    “No big blockbuster movie is immune to this. People like to complain. And believe me, I know all about that. When I play the Angry Video Game Nerd, I rip apart all kinds of games based on any flaws that I can find. Except I do it for the sake of entertainment. In the same way, critics and fans are picking ‘Spider-man 3’ to death. So you can either choose to be critical or not. Here’s a question: say we cut out all those little annoying parts in the movie. Every flaw that’s ever been commented on, we handle the villains differently, the sub-plots get removed or changed…anything, you name it. What will happen then? Will everybody be pleased? No. People will still find more things to dwell on. And no matter what the outcome is, every movie like this will be treated with mixed reactions. I can relate to the fact that it’s impossible to please everyone.”

  13. Magnus Dingelberry Farriginton says:

    Alien vs Predator vs Halloween vs O.C HAHAHA – truth spoken

    Scott is completely right in his wonderfully written review of the new AVP:R, a consummate fuck-up.

    I am a big predator fan, mild alien fan. Huge on the idea of an “Alien vs Predator”. The Original AVP was highly anticipated and delivered with a creative story-line, average to good acting, fair action scenes and a controversial ending with the human/predator alliance. I’m fascinated with the battle of the two sci-fi titans, and yellowed my pants when i heard of the sequel AVP – Requiem

    Scott has stated incisively and articulately pretty much everything that came to mind consciously and subconsciously as i watched this flick, in major disappointment, shame this movie was made.

    Tandom suicide strause you whoring piss-artists.

    How old are you scott?

  14. That guy says:

    Ok, I consider myself to be a relatively smart person. I by no means believe I am a genius, I just think that alot of people are just more stupid or ignorant than I am. I strive to use proper spelling and gramar, and I don’t even resort to internet speak when most people do. That being said, I will say this:… get ready… I LIKED THIS MOVIE. Oh, my dear god, he must be a moron now! Is he blind? He must not be a true fan of the original franchises! Bla bla bla bla… *Yawn* Apparently I’m not blind, because, unlike very reviewer I’ve read out there, I can see whats going on throughout the ENTIRE film. I saw all the scenes clearly. I didnt even have to adjust my TV. I will say that the lighting is not perfect though. Yes, It could use work, but it wasn’t a major damper for me. And before you accuse me of not being a true fan, let me tell you that my favourite movie of all time is James Cameron’s classic, Aliens. Alien was excellent too, but Aliens was just better. I find myself often obsessed with the Alien, and even more obsessed with the Combination of the two species. I read every book, every article, have seen every movie and played every game I can get my hands on, the good and the bad of each, and I know a considerable amount about each creature, and yet, I honestly enjoyed this movie. Maybe its because I’ve never been a big judge on acting, or maybe its because I’ve heard people say stupider and worse things in real life, but I could not see a huge, serious flaw in this movie. A few small ones, yes, but outside of that, its all opinion, and my opinion is this: AVPR was good, better than AVP, but it can’t hold a candle to originals like Aliens or Predator, I never expected it to. Maybe the series eventualy will.

  15. BULLY says:

    Watching the film felt like I was watching some type of teen slasher /Sci-fi hybrid film. Yeah, that’s what it was- they threw i ALL of these human characters and I felt like I was being forced to learn their lives, what made them tick, who their love interests were, how well they did in school or on the job, even what time they went to work, what their relationships with their wives/brothers/friends were, and on and on….It’s like WHO CARES?

    All this character background seemed to take up half the film. The original Predator gave character set-ups with a few lines per character while sticking to the story at hand. The original Alien we learned very little about the characters other than their technical functions on the ship. But AVP Requiem? Too much meaningless detail for meaningless characters & it’s meaningless for the story at hand.

    Also the few action sequences were so damn dark and shiny, I couldn’t see ANYTHING at all. It was such a let down. I was ready to turn it off after the pitch black sewer fight scene between the aliens & predator. After being subjected to this whole drama between a bully, his friends, some girl, and the pizza boy, Strauss brothers gave me a jet black fight sequence I couldn’t even see?

    All I could do was HEAR it because of the way it was shot?
    Sigh. I don’t know what else to say here except borrow it from a library or a friend. I wouldn’t pay $12 or even $10 for a DVD-new or used. Maybe $5 for it if you have to have it.

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