Ridiculous Arguments – Accepting Blame

Posted: February 27, 2010 in Misc Stuff
Tags: , , ,

Tonight’s post is more a rant than anything else but I felt the need to vent and my blog is the perfect place for venting.

I’m the type of person owns up to his mistakes, and admits when he’s wrong though there are just some people in this world that, despite this, insist I’m at fault for something for which they are at fault for, even if it’s only in parts large or small.  Tonight was one of those nights where such a person accused me of doing wrong yet it was clear through logic and reason that it was not I who was in the wrong.  I’ll draw out the scenario in bullet points to keep things simple and to keep myself from becoming long winded.

  • I was asked by someone to be somewhere at a very specific time.
  • I told this person that I would be busy recording music for an hour or so but that I would complete the project as quickly as possible and then arrive ASAP.
  • After an hour of recording, I put my instruments away from the night and proceeded to process a quick mix on the song I had just finished.  This consumed roughly 20-30 minutes.
  • Once the mix was complete I made my way to the predetermined meeting place and found out that the person with whom I was supposed to meet with was asleep.
  • This person works long hours everyday and has very little chance to rest so I turned around and headed back to my studio to afford them the opportunity to rest.
  • Instead of working with music however I spent time online with a good friend.
  • Some time passed and my daughter came into the studio to ask for medicine as she is ill.
  • I gave her the medicine she requested and once more headed back to the location at which I was supposed to meet this person.
  • Again, for the second time this person was fast asleep when I arrived.
  • As such I once again made my way back to my studio to chat with my good friend who was still online.
  • Nearly 3 hours had passed since I was originally supposed to meet this person so I made one final trip to see if this person was awake.
  • They were not awake but rather still deep in slumber.
  • Again I returned to my studio to talk with my good friend about an upcoming trip to Knott’s Berry Farm.
  • At this point I received a message asking where I was at and why I didn’t arrive at the predetermined location on time, when I had originally said I would.

Now I am at odds with this person whom believes I am at fault for a failed meeting.  This person also believes that they hold no responsibility in contacting me if/when they believe I’m running late.  During a conversion I had with this person, after the initial message questioning my punctuality was received of course, this individual expressed extreme dissatisfaction with me over a meeting that they apparently slept through/were unavailable for. I was told by this individual that they where not asleep the entire 3 hours and expressed once more, their disdain for what they felt I had or hadn’t done.

In an effort to defend myself and in an attempt to coerce this person into thinking logically, I stated boldly that I had shown up at the location three times and immediately after I concluded my project as I said I would.  I then stated “You where sleeping each time I came back.” which fell on deaf and arrogant ears.  I also stated that I had no intention of avoiding this meeting and that I had stopped recording and mixing music after 1 1/2 hours.  Now to be fair I did tell this person I’d be recording for an “hour or so” but I honestly believe the extra half an hour I spent recording and mixing fell well within the boundaries of the “or so” portion of my earlier estimated recording time.  This individual however disagreed with that sentiment and put forward the theory that I was lying about having stopped recording.  When I stated that I was not being deceptive in any way, this individual attempted to shift blame by exclaiming, “Oh so I’m they liar?” although those words nor thoughts had even crossed my mind.  I was quick to point out again that I had come to the meeting at 3 different times but that each time I came by there were asleep.

Apparently when you schedule a meeting with someone that has a loose and casual starting time and show up roughly when you were expected to, it doesn’t matter that the party your meeting with is asleep, unavailable, out to lunch, etc.  It’s your fault no matter what.  This individual did nothing tonight but compartmentalize as I know that had our roles been reversed tonight I would have caught holy hell for falling asleep and then not calling when I believed the party I was to meet with was running late.  There is little to no logic or reason in this type of reasoning and at this point I excused myself for the conversation because there’s no point in arguing with someone who compartmentalizes and utilizes circular reasoning to get their point across.

If this individual wants to remain angry, disappointed, and furious over me going over what they felt was acceptable for “an hour or so” fine so be it.  I would also encourage this individual to take a good long hard look in the mirror.  Sure I’ll take partial blame if you fell asleep waiting for me while I was finishing up the “or so” portion of my project but I’ll be damned if I’m going to take the rap for rendering our entire meeting defunct.  This person profoundly and proudly accused me of not taking responsibility for the failure of the meeting while they took none for themselves.  Could I have left my project unfinished after one single hours time and headed to the meeting?  Sure I could have though I thought the “or so” time frame I gave this individual would have afforded me 20 minutes grace.  Why could this individual not have called me when they allegedly awoke from their sleep and realized I had not arrived?  I’d also like to know why this individual feels as though they should be absolved from all responsibility in this matter as it’s clear to me that in any other scenario, work or personal, had the person with whom I’m meeting with believed me to be tardy, they would have called to say “where the hell are you, are you done yet, etc”.  I showed up an hour and a half after I began recording my music project.  I came back on three separate occasions to see if this individual was awake and available to proceed with the meeting and all to no avail.  At the end of the conversation tonight I extended my apologies and offered to begin the meeting “now” which this person declined on the grounds that it was to late in the evening.  I offered a second time as well in an effort to smooth over the situation and to express my genuine and sincere interest in this meeting.  My invitation/suggestion was declined a second time.

I felt as though I needed to write about this experience tonight because while it’s not the first time this has happened nor is this individual the first to do this to me, I fail to grasp the logic (or lack thereof) of this type of argument.  This individual was excited about our meeting, as was I, though my attempts to pick up late or reschedule where all angrily and vehemently denied.  While I will always take responsibility for those things which I screw up, perhaps the next time this type of poorly constructed argument and ire are waged against me I shan’t be so calm nor polite.  Perhaps it’s time I stop allowing this type of logic and absolution of guilt by admonishing this individual with a stern argument filled with logic than politely walking away.

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